Into the Fire
by AccioCommitment
Summary: Running from Republic City, along with his brother, Noatak, memories that Tarrlok buried deep start resurfacing. WARNING: contains non-graphic images of Past Child Abuse and Past Sexual Abuse. Please DO NOT read if it triggers you or makes you uncomfortable. Constructive criticism is welcome.


Yakone had never been a nice man. He hadn't been nice in his life in Republic City and he hadn't been any less unkind to his children after, in the outskirts of the Northern Water Tribe.

Tarrlok, his youngest, had borne most of the brunt of his anger and displeasure for years but it had increased greatly once Noatak, the eldest and beloved brother of his that he had looked up to for so long, ran away and presumably perished in the tundra.

It had been a painful time for all of them. Yakone abruptly ended his bending lessons, depressed and angry.

His mother, Tula, had been so overcome with grief that she just _stopped_. She stopped _everything_.

She sat in her sealskin-covered chair _day_ after _day_, a blanket draped over her, rotting away from starvation as she refused to eat anything. He remembered very clearly the nights he had spent, shaking and begging her to snap out of it, to do _something_, to no avail.

She passed away six months later, leaving just Yakone and him.

He paused his musings when he heard a thump downstairs and a creak.

Tarrlok sat up a little straighter.

* * *

When Noatak opened the cell door and looked at him, a faint expression of expectancy for him to follow his big brother as always, Tarrlok felt every atom in his body pulling him to do so.

After all, this was what he used to _dream_ of; a second chance with Noatak, to do it all over, but mostly to have his brother back once and for all.

However, a part of himself had Tarrlok _livid_. How _dare_ he have the gall to just come back and ask him for allegiance, as if the past twenty years had meant _nothing_? Did he even have an _idea_ what Tarrlok had gone through during that time?

But betraying that small, angry part of him, he stood up and let Noatak lead the way.

* * *

As the small boat sped away to some unknown location in the Earth Kingdom, Tarrlok half-heartedly listened to Noatak while it felt like someone had just reached into his chest and twisted his heart.

His eyes flickered between the rack holding rows of Equalist weapons and his brother, a horrible realization dawning upon him.

He had to do it. The madness _wouldn't_ end otherwise. Noatak would most likely fall back into his old ways, and there's no knowing what would happen once he did.

He quietly sucked in a breath, trying to keep his emotions at bay as he reached for an Equalist glove, because after all, it was the first time since he'd properly met his dear brother after that fateful day and now it was going to be cut far too short.

Tarrlok completely shut out Noatak's happy musings and, as silently as he could, began unscrewing the gas cap. His brother had fallen silent, and he hesitated, stopping his hand just as the cap was about to be removed.

He bit his lip as he screwed the lid back into place, silently removing and placing the Equalist glove back where he found it, hearing Noatak sigh and begin his contemplations once again as if he had just woken up from a dream

Not being able to quite look at his brother properly, Tarrlok turned his head away and prayed his brother would never give him a reason to do what he didn't have the courage to carry out.

* * *

They took refuge in a little town, spending the night in an abandoned apartment after trekking through kilometers' of forests and grasslands, barely taking any time to rest. Noatak insisted that they were most likely being searched while Tarrlok constantly resisted plunging his head into nearby water bodies.

And then there was the added fear of being recognized in the village. They had changed into local clothing and removed and hid anything that even _hinted_ of their true identities, but they still didn't sleep well that night.

Noatak had nothing to worry about; _nobody_ had seen his real face long enough to properly recognize him but Tarrlok had been on newspapers that travelled to the far reaches of the Fire Nation. Something had to be done.

So, the next morning, Tarrlok cut off his hair to a more respectable length and did everything he could to hide his face, from letting his hair flow free to just keeping his head down. It would take a lifetime for him to admit that he felt more then a tinge of sadness when he did it.

They spent a few more days at the town, which went by the name of Yue Bay Port City, which was such a mouthful for him that he simply decided to call it Yue City, which was just as good if not better than the original, before travelling further into the Earth Kingdom.

* * *

Settling into a new place, fixed on a particularly tall hill, and making a temporary place for themselves at a homeless shelter, they began doing exactly as Noatak had hoped for when he unlocked the door to his makeshift prison.

Tarrlok was also reminded of how _stressful_ job interviews were. He had taken two part-time jobs when he arrived in Republic City all those years ago but he had to go through what felt like hundreds of interviews that had left him unable to eat anything except ice and drink anything except water without feeling nauseous.

One could say he didn't handle stress very well back then. He still doesn't but at least he's better at hiding it now.

Praying the same thing wouldn't happen this time; Tarrlok walked into the small room and sat down on the rickety wooden chair, but not before receiving permission.

Answering question after question, for around an hour, while not being able to grab even a sip of water left him exhausted but it was, in a way, worth it when he was called in for work a day later.

* * *

Noatak disappeared from their spot in the shelter more often now and while Tarrlok gave the outward appearance of not giving much thought of it, his curiosity would grow a little as each day passed.

One night, bored and frustrated at being unable to sleep, Tarrlok snuck out of the concrete building and followed the distant figure of his brother out of town boundaries and down the hill.

But he was cold and tired, too tired to realize he would need an extra tunic to go out in this type of weather, and Noatak wasn't showing any sign of slowing down or turning back. With a small huff, he headed back home, not seeing the small smirk Noatak was shooting him a few kilometers away.

_Is it such a crime to go on a walk?_

* * *

Tarrlok did not have a pleasant night. He had been tossing and turning, mumbling incoherent pleas and clutching his thin blanket like a lifesaver, according to his brother.

Pretending he had no idea what Noatak was talking about and had no memory of having nightmares; he wondered where the sudden onslaughts of memories were coming from.

To this day, he could occasionally feel phantom pains of a heavy body pinning him down to a bed and the soreness of a throat worn down from screaming into a pillow.

He remembered vividly what the hunger pangs felt like, because a teenager can only get so much from stale bread and ice, and what it was like, sobbing for a ghost to come back and save you from hell.

He knew what living with the devil was like and he could never scrub out the memories, even when he was miles away in Republic City and getting ready for the Council Elections.

And Noatak, sitting in front of him and chatting with him as if he hadn't left Tarrlok to rot and die in a tundra full of abuse and despair, had no idea how badly it had scarred him.

Because in the end, Tarrlok realized he had to save himself. He realized that he couldn't depend on anyone else to see through the facade, and that no one was going to show up and realize how badly he was breaking and rescue him. In the end, he had to be his own hero, no matter how hard it would be.

And Noatak, filling up his baby brothers' bowl and fussing over him in a way that Tarrlok had yearned for so many years, hadn't a clue.

* * *

Week's later, on a day of blue skies and warmth and picturesque clouds, Noatak cornered him in the near empty shelter, finally demanding an answer about his nighttime mutterings and he wasn't taking the excuse of having no idea anymore, realising full well it was all a lie.

Tarrlok refused to say anything, shoving his brother away when he started getting aggressive, before hissing out that_ nothing was wrong _and _you have no reason to worry._

He knew that the confrontation was to be continued, despite storming out for work and only returning in the dead of the night.

But he was unprepared when the moment actually came, when Noatak walked up to him and asked, very abruptly, of what their father did to him. There was no build-up, no beating around the bush.

There was no answer.

* * *

It didn't take a genius to notice that his brother was paying more attention to him than normal.

Of course, Noatak already paid a landslide of attention to him, considering they haven't met properly in, say, around twenty or so years, but it was starting to exceed the normal limits.

Like how he stared at him when he thought Tarrlok wasn't looking, or how he started tagging along when he went out to the shop to work, or how his questions starting becoming a bit more personal.

_Is Mom still there?_

_What happened to Koza? That kid who lived across the village? He was such a nuisance._

_So, what happened? After I left, I mean._

For some of the questions, he answered quickly and to-the-point, possibly in a indifferent way, and for others, he shielded around the subject, giving only bits and pieces of a proper answer.

But how could you blame him? There was either nothing at all to tell or too much for one day.

_Mother died of stress not long after you left._

_Koza went to the Capitol and never contacted his family again. Last I heard, he was a moderately successful storeowner._

_I… Well, nothing really. Life just went on. Dad died a few years later and… It was all very uneventful… Look, it's complicated and a very long story. I'll tell you some other day. _

* * *

Noatak came home to the shelter drunk one day. It wasn't uncommon to see people like that around this place, especially here, so no one questioned it. In fact, most of the homeless here drank alcohol, so he wasn't unaccustomed to it.

But it wasn't normal to see Noatak drinking such a thing. Alcohol was dangerous, making you lose control of your actions and your mouth and your thoughts. It wasn't the sort of thing his brother would like.

However, he turned a blind eye and let him stumble to his sleeping pad, minding his own business.

He was totally unsuspecting of a mattress sliding directly beside his own and his brother flopping down next to him as Tarrlok aired his covering.

Pausing, he thought to question Noatak but ended up deciding not to. After all, he was drunk. And what was the harm?

* * *

It was probably one of _the_ _most_ _uncomfortable_ nights he had experienced since escaping from Republic City. Noatak _insisted_ he attach himself to Tarrlok all night, hugging him like there was no tomorrow, even when tomorrow had arrived.

Worse was how Tarrlok hadn't noticed just how… _touchy_ his brother was. It was as if Noatak had never hugged him before with how much his hands were roaming around.

And when it started getting a bit awkward, he still didn't let go, unaware of how nervous his little brother was getting.

Needless to say, it was unpleasant.

* * *

It was entertaining to see Noatak realize that he had spent the entire night clutching his brother to death and seeing him deal with the hangover was even more amusing.

Noatak spent the entire day hunched over a bucket, leaning slightly against Tarrlok.

It felt nice, actually.

* * *

But to be honest, it all started when Noatak sat him down in a far corner of the town, and asked with as much sincerity and care as he could muster.

_Tarrlok, what did Yakone _do_ to you? Tell me what the bastard did. _

And Tarrlok wasn't sure how that sentence triggered it. Maybe it was relief that he wasn't the only one in the world who cursed Yakone, or that big brother was finally here to take all the pain away and protect him forever, or if the genuineness he heard in the tone was the kindest he had heard in an inhumanely long time.

Whatever it was, everything came spilling out like a waterfall.

_Everything_.

The nights he spent with Yakone on top of him, crying to the point of oblivion. The days spent with a growling stomach when the neighbours wouldn't spare food for a boy from a tainted family.

The nights spent blowing some stranger in exchange for a piece of bread. The days spent being Yakone's personal punching bag.

The nights spent losing hope in the world and the days passing by in a blur. Being pushed over the edge by Yakone's suicide. Falling into depression, hearing things that told him to do _terrible_ things.

The nights he spent in an apartment chugging on medication and days spent quietly clawing and deceiving his way to Council standards.

And how much he had yearned for Noatak to show up on the doorstep, an apology at hand and ready to help fight off all the monsters with him.

How, when Noatak actually showed up and ended up taking his bending away, Tarrlok loathed him but began to forgive him, slowly but surely.

And when Noatak finally embraced his baby brother, his lionheart, he whispered a promise that was so fierce in its emotion that both of them believed it with all there might, Tarrlok knew he was finally where he belonged.

* * *

_Never Again._


End file.
